She climbs a tree and scrapes her knee
Her dress has got a tear
She waltzes on her way to Mass
And whistles on the stair
And underneath her wimple
She has curlers in her hair
I even heard her singing in the abbey

She's always late for chapel
But her penitence is real
She's always late for everything
Except for every meal
I hate to have to say it
But I very firmly feel
Maria's not an asset to the abbey

I'd like to say a word in her behalf
Maria makes me laugh

How do you solve a problem like Maria
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down
How do you find a word that means Maria
A flibbertijibbet, A will-o'-the wisp, A clown

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand
But how do you make her stay
And listen to all you say
How do you keep a wave upon the sand

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand

When I'm with her I'm confused
Out of focus and bemused
And I never know exactly where I am
Unpredictable as weather
She's as flighty as a feather
She's a darling, She's a demon, She's a lamb

She'd outpester any pest
Drive a hornet from it's nest
She could throw a whirling dervish out of whirl
She is gentle, She is wild
She's a riddle, She's a child
She's a headache, She's an angel
She's a girl

How do you solve a problem like Maria
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down
How do you find a word that means Maria
A flibbertijibbet, A will-o'-the wisp, A clown

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand
But how do you make her stay
And listen to all you say
How do you keep a wave upon the sand

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand.
